The Missing Crap
by Just Chuck
Summary: A scene written upon request of my Beta - A storyline lost in crappy rewrites from the first two stories. Rated M, but not a Bryce/Chuck pairing in the way that would spring to mind.


The Missing Crap.

A/N

When I started out with Oh Crap, I had these wonderful ideas going through my head. Most of them got lost because as it was my first story, I really tried to cram too much into it, and a lot of the little subplots got lost in the rewrites.

This one I tried to leave in, and thought that I had. But somewhere along the line, I got this great Beta and when I ran the first chapter of Wedding Crap by Jagged1, she basically said 'What that crap is that?" (ok, it's paraphrased, she actually is much much more polite that that.)

In my mind I still had this storyline there. In reality, I made the references in the 'Oh crap' and 'Crappy day' too vague for anyone but me to get it.

When I sent her the background for the subplot, she said I had to expand on one scene, for the fun of it.

So here it is. Keep in mind that most of this scene is from notes a year ago, so some things have changed, including that the General here is not Beckman, but her predecessor - called in my notes Zod.

I rated this M only because I don;t want to be accused of giving the younger generation any ideas (Oh crap, as if anyone listened to me!)

101010101010

"Doctor, how did your patient do?" A general spoke into the phone.

"Excellent, no permanent damage. I was afraid that my team could not extract her in time. How long before she regains consciousness?"

"No, the CIA will handle her debriefing. Doctor, were you able to obtain the sample I requested?"

"Perfect, no that should not show up on any of your reports. I'll send someone to gather the sample immediately. Tell Director Graham that he can expect Agent Walker to be back in the US in 24 hours."

The general hung up the phone and then dialed it again.

"Lt. Casey, retrieve the sample from the base hospital and personally escort it to me. Also make sure that the Doctor's notes are destroyed as well."

1010101010

Stanford – Professor Flemming's office, the day Chuck was suppose to be recruited.

Professor Flemming leaned back in his chair, taking in Bryce's ultimatum. He must admit that he had concerns himself about Chuck Bartowski being recruited, but with scores like his, he resigned himself to the fact that it was going to happen.

It was then the thought came to him. There was a way that he could get Chuck off the hook, and make bonus points with the head of the Omaha side project. That man scared the crap out of him. He reached under his desk and hit the button to turn off the recordings.

"Okay, Bryce, if I do this for you, you have to do something for me in return." Flemming sat amused as Bryce brought on his skeptical look.

"What do I have to do?"

10101010101

An hour later, Bryce was trying to stare down Chuck who was seated on his bed. Chuck, however, would not play along and just kept shaking his head 'no'.

"Come on, Chuck, we are both broke. Look at this flyer again, it's $500 each. We could buy the new motherboard and ram and actually not take all night compiling our Zork code." Bryce slapped his friend on the back as he sat on the bed next to him. "Really buddy, no one needs to know. Ten minutes in and out. Easie Pizie"

Chuck got up. "Bryce, you have had some stupid ideas in the past, but NO. Absolutely not, I am not going along with this one." Chuck then grabbed the offending flyer by as little of the corner as possible and after putting it in the trash, washed his hands repeatedly.

"Chuck, come on, get a grip…" Bryce stopped as soon as Chuck shot him a look that could freeze LA.

"Chuck, it's not hard…" Again the look.

"Chuck, buddy, please: this is $1000. It's not like you would be doing this alone..." Ice Age look .

"You know what I mean, Chuck. You know, you don't have to do that alone either. The new girl, Jill might be willing to give you a hand." Bryce was stopped by a semi-wet towel thrown in his face.

"NO NO NO and in case you did not hear – NO!" Chuck stormed out only to have Bryce on his heels.

"Bryce, listen, there is no way, even for science that I would be willing to do that. Not for money at least." Chuck finally reached the basement of the building, holding the campus pub.

"I understand, but you can also take Jill out on the town with $500. I'll still put mine in for extra ram." Bryce heldup two fingers to the bartender and two beers appeared before them.

"What part of NO do you not get, the N or the O?" Chuck started to turn towards the Donkey Kong machine when Bryce put a hand on his shoulder.

"Fine I get it, but let me buy you this beer to make up for it." Bryce handed him the glass and after toasting, he chugged it down.

101001010

A few hours later

Chuck woke up on the floor of a strange room, and a really, really bad headache. The really small room was all white, with a chair, VCR and a tv. Putting his hand on the chair to help himself up, a magazine toppled over hitting him square on the head.

"What the crap?" Picking up the magazine, his eyes (and something else) bulgged at the European sex magazine. Dropping it, he noticed the moaning coming from the TV. Turning away and backing up until he was close enough to turn it off, he hit every button until the screams stopped. He collapsed onto the floor as he tried to remember what happened.

He was in the bar drinking with Bryce. Then there were flashes of him singing Abba songs, something about a sword battle with… foam hands, running and running and something about campus security and an egg beater. All along there was Bryce going on about … where were his pants?

Looking down, he was dressed in a hospital smock, and a pair of socks.

"The Flyer!" he screamed out .

"Hey, buddy, you pass out in there?" he heard Bryce's voice on the other side of the apparently thin wall.

"Bryce, tell me I'm not where I think we are?" Chuck crawled onto the chair.

"Yep, genetics lab in the other end of campus. I got your money by the way. Five hundred each for a small sperm donation, all in the name of science! Too bad we can only do it once though. Man, you sure changed your mind after the sixth beer. It was hard to keep you from donating until we got here. Hey, they must have been real happy because you filled several containers. They gave you an extra five hundred."

Chuck buried his head in his hands.

"Hey Chuck, by any chance, are my pants in there with you?"

1010101010

Nine months later.

The general signed the order and passed it off to the people in white coats.

"Sir the experiment went perfectly, the samples were perfect, and we have a bonus, two sets of identical twins."

Placing the closed folder in his desk, one sheet of paper came half way out of the folder.

Status : Project Gemmed

Objective: Taking genetic material from the top Male and Top Female candidate from Operation Omaha, to create a human that can take Project Omaha to phase 2…

The general smiled. "Awesome, Dr's Woodcomb, Awesome."


End file.
